Hardware Abuse

Some of the things people do to computers is downright painful....



"Cancer..."
Author - [Orestez]


I've seen a computer die from smoking...

A customer came in with a dead computer, claimed it was under warranty, and asked if we could fix it. We had look at it, and before we even laid eyes on it, we could smell it. Imagine the stench of an overused ashtray times ten.

We looked at the yellow case (it was supposed to be beige) and the date of purchase (3-4 months previous) and goggled in disbelief that she actually had any lungs left.

"What are you doing with this computer?" I asked in total disbelief.

It was at a taxi service. She smoked, the cabbies smoked, and the room was apparently only about eight by twelve. Smoking took place 24/7 in this place, and her fingers and the computer bore witness. We opened the case, and there were visible deposits of brown tar everywhere. The whole thing was gummy and slimy inside.

We had to tell her she was on her own. Naturally, she countered with the "it's under warranty" argument, but the computer was well beyond that. She left quite mad. We insisted she take her computer with her when she left.





"Bond...James Bond..."
Author - [Orestez]


I used to work at Wal-mart in the electronics department for 2 years. I've had more than person irate that we sold them a Playstation CD that doesn't work on a computer, a computer CD that doesn't work on a Playstation, and even someone who wanted Windows 95 for the Playstation. But none of these compare to this one user:

On Friday, a man came in, carefully browsed the store, and purchased a brand new copy of James Bond 007 for the Nintendo 64. I sold him a strategy guide to go with it at a 20% discount and sent him happily on his way. I happened to be working the next day when he stormed back in. He spotted me and came running down the store, vaguely resembling a freight train.

"You idiot! This" -- shoving the game in my face -- "doesn't work in my system! I couldn't make it fit at all! And I just brought the system brand new, so it's a bad game, and I WANT MY MONEY BACK BECAUSE YOU'RE SELLING BAD PRODUCTS!!!"

Well, it was within our seven day return policy, so I calmly accepted the package and proceeded to open it to make sure it was still in saleable condition. To my great astonishment, it had apparently been neatly trimmed down to around 3 1/2 inches with some sort of saw.

"Siiiir..? What happened to this game?"

"Nothing! I just cut it to fit in my Compaq! It should work -- I just bought it!"




"Upgrades? or not..."
Author - [Orestez]


  * Customer: "I just bought a Pentium II 300 from you, and I installed it as the manual instructed."
  * Tech Support: "Let's go over the jumper settings of the board, and make sure all the connections are correct."
  * Customer: "I know that is installed right. I've done this hundreds of times."
  * Tech Support: "Ok, take the CPU out of the slot and reinsert it, making sure it snaps into place."
  * Customer: "The CPU doesn't seem to fit properly. Why don't I just bring this in. You will look at it, right?"
  * Tech Support: "Sure, no problem."

When the customer brought the motherboard and CPU in, I could not keep myself from laughing. He had installed the CPU into an ISA slot. He had actually cut the housing of the Pentium II CPU to make it fit.



"OD on Caffine"
Author - [RedMoon]


Tech: (Gives standard greeting)

Customer: Yeah, the modem you sent me broke.

Tech: What makes you think it's broken?

Customer: There's smoke coming out of it, and it smells burnt.

Tech: Oh. Yeah, that's pretty broken. How did that happen?

Customer: Well, I noticed that it got really hot, see...

Tech: Right...

Customer: So I set my coffee on it to heat it up, and... Well... You know...

Tech: ...

Customer: You're gonna charge me for that, aren't you?

Tech: (Sigh) Look... We'll just say the power supply overloaded, and I'll send you a replacement.

Customer: Whew... Thanks.



"USB... 4.0?"
Author - [RedMoon]


- Call actually not taken by me personally, but by a co-worker who isn't a member of the site -

Customer: My internet won't work.

Tech: Alright, what lights are on your modem?

Customer: The power, and the DSL. The ethernet won't come on.

Tech: Alright, not a problem. You have your network cable plugged in?

Customer: Yeah, those ports are hard to set up, though. It took a while.

Tech: ... What do you mean?

Customer: Well, you know how they come with a little divider in the middle?

Tech: Um... No?

Customer: Yeah, yeah. The two little rectangular holes with the metal divider. (Referring to USB ports, which come side-by-side)

Tech: And... You got it to fit in one of those?

Customer: Well, I had to cut out the divider with bolt cutters first.

Tech: ...



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